tell your sister to shave her snatch
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
