Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize