I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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