Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
