In the future we'll all be gay
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
