if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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