I just saw a hot homeless man
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
