The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Soap is not a condiment
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
