omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
