is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
