$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
