I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just found puke in my bra..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize