SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
