I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
