The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
