apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
