I CAN MOONWALK!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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