I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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