There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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