yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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