This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
