STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
