I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize