Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the day after is always just damage control
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize