I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
