Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize