youre lurking in front of me
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
