Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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