**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
