i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize