omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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