I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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