He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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