Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
