I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
