Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
