I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize