She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
