Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
