easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
