discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
