I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
