would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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