kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
