Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
