I wanna bring you to show and tell
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
