had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
