There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize