Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
