South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
