my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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