Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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