whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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