Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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