I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
