singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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