yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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