she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
