Sry I called you an 8
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
