I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
