How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm like, not good at living.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
