This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
