I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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