I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
