I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
