And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
