Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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