I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Shame - the story of my life.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
