I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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