The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
