Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
