Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize